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death and cinnamon, jan 10 - 29, 2002
*****weekly steve record*****
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although starting with a mere 8 people, the number of people on the weekly steve list has grown to 32! soon it will be 64, bwahahaha!...following the rule that all good things must have at least one statistic raised up by a power of two every so often to assure people of 'progress'. anyway, i was pretty impressed. let me know if anyone else wants to be on (or off) the slowly changing list. incidentally, no one has asked to be taken off of the list yet...i don't know if that's a result of their laziness or my sheer skill at captivating an audiance. ha! i should start putting on people without asking just so i get the satisfaction of people writing to me and the mpaa with the words 'screw you!!!' in the body (three exclamation points). seriously, i want people to say what's on their minds and that way we're all happy. i like writing to people who want to be written to.
after several suggestions from loyal readers, i have decided to write a nice web page archiving spell-checked and "lightly edited" versions of all of the weekly steve's i have sent to date. anyone want to host it? unfortunately, when i reread most of what i write, i transform into AnalEditorMan and i see that they are rife with errors, bad form, inherent egocentrism, and an excessive use of the word "shrinkage". "grep shrinkage weeklysteves/*" gave ... oh. hm. only 4 occurances, including the one right up there... that's lame....
shrinkage shrinkage shrinkage shrinkage shrinkage shrinkage! there. 10. ...and an excessive use of the word "shrinkage". "grep shrinkage weeklysteves/*" gave 10 occurances! that's like 0.714 shrinkages per weekly steve! incidentally, one can infer that there have now been 14 weekly steve's to date, thus verifying last week's pigeon hole principle statement that there indeed must be at least two weekly steve's in at least one month.
taking the above into consideration, AnalEditorMan will probably cause said "light editing" of the former weekly steve's to be more time consuming than putting together the web-page. so whatever, we'll see what happens.
that said, i have some interesting things to relate today. not anything too amusing, but i found the stuff interesting enough to write about. as usual, it's wordy and perhaps boring, so read only when you want time to waste. you've been warned. anyway, enjoy!
*****death and its subtleties w.r.t. the living*****
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==medicine for the masses==
my advisor, kenichi, is away from work this week. his mother-in-law passed away after a miraculous, but short-lived (bad time for this adjective?) recovery from a botched heart sugery.
{begin tangent; mood.set("wordy yet informative")} i say botched rather unfairly, because i know little to nothing of what actually happened. all i heard was that there was supposedly only a 3% chance of failure, and they failed rather miserably. apparently, however, it involved nearly freezing her to stop the flow of blood through her body, including the brain, for a couple of hours. in effect, they kept her in a semi-dead, semi-frozen state while the doctors hacked on some weird heart problem. i didn't have the nerve to ask kenichi for the details again.
i was pretty impressed when i heard all of this, but i was more inpressed when i heard about how much it cost. this dangerous and expensive surgery was carried out for ..... let's see.... approximately 0 yen. i say approximately because after the surgery went bad, they had to pay 10 yen (roughly 8 cents) a day to keep her there. what?! how is this possible?! who pays for the rest of it? this is almost impossible for us to understand when in the states families can go into debt fighting cancer while doctors live in mansions and drive fast red cars. how can japan afford to do this, especially when the economy is on the rocks? i did some research and found out some interesting stuff [1][2][3], some of which you may find familiar from the 'steve goes to the hospital' issue a couple months ago. however, i had to talk with kenichi for about 20 minutes to understand everything.
almost all hospitals in the country are privately owned, but reference [2] clarifies that none of them are for-profit hospitals. everyone is in some sort of insurance, paying premiums every month (it used to be 10% of wages), and the insurance pays for almost all of the hospital expenses. everyone is broken up into one of three groups, with the cutoffs depending on the local government: infant, senior citizen, or not one of those... usually, all medical expenses for infants (children under 1-3 years old), and seniors (citizens over 70-unless they're bedridden by 65) are covered in total, 100% by private and national insurance. for those of you who are slow, that means they pay for nothing. including ambulance and emergency fees, prescription drugs, and drug prescriptions. incidentally, doctors get a part of their salary from how much medicine they dispense, which makes japan one of the world's largest prescription-drug-using nations[1].
continuing on, normal hospital visits for everyone else who is not an infant or a senior cost the insured about 10% of total fees, with the average visit costing the patient at most around $10. now that the economy is so bad, however, kenichi says he is paying 30%, and a lot of the elderly now have to pay 2% of charges...reference[1] has some interesting things to say about how all this turns hospitals into a recreational center for seniors...i wonder when they're going to put in a karaoke machine.
anyway, enough money jonk. the point i wanted to make was, when they found out kenichi's mom needed to have this difficult surgery, they talked to people and found the best heart doctor in the country. however, to get him to do the surgery, they needed a special invitation, and that only happens through friends. so he talked to friends who talked to friends who talked to a doctor who knew the famous doctor whose service they needed. they then gave the friend doctor a monetary gift (about $3000) and said a great japanese catch phrase, "肢܂h [onegaishimasu], which literally means "i humbly wish". the friend doctor then used the money to enlist the famous doctor's services, by of course, saying onegaishimasu, and off they went. since the doctor was high up in this famous hospital, he did the surgery and gave her a personal bed that usually costs about $200/a day, all for free. i'm still amazed by the whole process, but i think it can be understood a bit better if you understand the rather important custom of japanese gift giving, though i won't go into it now.
{end tangent; mood.set("somber")}
==night of passing==
all in all, it was a sad state of affairs for his family. i don't want to be rude to kenichi or his family, but i want to share with you some things that i experienced during the whole affair. after he got the news, kenichi took the standard leave of absence due to a death in the family (called [kibiki]) and began the rather difficult process of funeral planning. there are two parts to a japanese funeral, one is called ʖ[otsuya] which sorta means "the night of passing" and is kind of like a catholic wake, and the regular funeral part, [osoushiki]. i went to the ʖ with my boss [yes, the one who licked my nipple] {mood.reset()} and another guy, but didn't make it to the , which is mainly for close family.
CRAP!!!! i lost everything i wrote! i hate this jonk! stupid me, i answered "no i don't want to exit", not "no, i don't want to save changes"! crapcrap CRAP!
ahem...continuing...
it was a cool, rainy night as we left the Kichiyouji train station. the rain was misty, but not uncomfortable. we walked towards a brightly lit sprawl of hip and chic shops, restaurants and teenagers, aptly named SUNROAD. i once again marveled, as i usually do in places like this, at how nice it is to be in a country where over half of the attractive female population is clad in short skirts even in the middle of winter...ah. it really is impressive. we passed several nice, freshly painted signs of beautiful characters, pointing us the way to the (kenichi's mother-in-law's last name) ceremony grounds. it doesn't say this way to the funeral, it says this way to the ceremony grounds.
arriving ten minutes early, the boss suggested we waste a bit of time before entering, saving us from boredom and kenichi from having to want to talk to us. i found that interesting. i mean, instead of making an effort to meet the person who's sake you are going to the funeral for, they made an effort _not_ to meet that person. this, of course, depends on the situation, but in our case it made perfect sense. if you meet the person, you'll have to say all these polite and heartfelt things that puts the mood between you very mechanical and sorta unfeeling, even though you don't want that to happen, right? no one knows what to say in those kind of situations..."i am sure she's much happier now"..."yeah, how do you know?". i mean, everyone's just trying to be sympathetic, but it comes out as awkward...doesn't it? so i thought it neat and practical that my boss just said, "well, let's not meet him so we don't have to make him feel awkward." instead, we shared our sympathy with him by the act of going to the ceremony, and feeling awkward ourselves... does that make sense?
i was nervous. first off, i was carrying around $3000 dollars in a flimsy envelope in my hand that i was to give to the family, representing the office. as i said before, gift giving, especially monetary gift giving, is very important in japan. they give money to families on happy and sad occasions, like death and marraige (sad and happy or happy and said, respectively, depending on the people involved) or any other occasion when our cute little human race finds it necessary to celebrate with big, expensive ceremonies. there are even special envelopes that house the special money, folded and bound by special strings in different colors and different knots depending on the occasion. there are even web pages that show how to do this right[4]. so we collected about $30 in cash from everyone except the boss, because boss's usually give more, and put the cash in our pre-made, paper envelope with the right-colored strings tied in the right knot in the right place already printed on it, freshly bought from the 7-11 down the street.
we got to the temple and we were ushered to the receptionists, little old ladies dressed in black in a tent decorated in black and white colors. we signed our name and passed over our envelopes of money to the little old ladies and were pointed then towards a group of aluminum chairs underneath a medium sized tent. loud gas furnaces kept everyone warm at the expense of making the place feel like the deck of an aircraft carrier. we were strategically placed behind large bonsai trees where i could at times see kenichi and his family through the branches. i presume this was so the family wouldn't feel the watching eyes of everyone else, and everyone else wouldn't feel the need to stare. once again, very practical. kenichi and his family were arranged high up inside the temple on the right side, with other immediate family members on the left. everyone facing the center and the 'audience', what are we called? spectators? i don't know. behind them was a huge alter of sorts, with two priests in brightly colored costume kneeling and doing something. everyone else just sat. except kenichi's 5 year old boy, who was as antsy as i was.
we also sat. i looked at the acrobatic wiring job they did for the extension cords for the heaters. instead of running the wire on the ground straight to the heater, someone thought it would be a great idea to wrap the extension cord up and around the foundation for the tent, onto the bonsai tree in front of me, and run down to the heater on my left. i'm sure it made sense to them... a guy came and stood in front of everyone and talked in to a microphone, saying something like "thank you for coming tonight. the priests are now going to start chanting something". and then from the two monks/priests/guys in the back, deliberate monotone chants rolled softly through the loudspeaker. the chanting goes on for about thirty minutes i'm told. midway through, the guy comes back on the mic and says something like "thank you for coming. you can now come up and pay your respects to the family and the deceased". they then ushered us up, row by row, into a line. i had no idea what to do. my boss tried to explain stuff to me, but he said, just do what i do. we moved to the front, in front of the strategically placed bonsai tree, and i saw a nice alter in front of the temple, a picture of kenichi's smiling mother-in-law in a japanese grandma hat, and a smoldering pile of incense and cedar? chips. i felt all the eyes of kenichi's family on me, seeming to say "are you lost, young man?". the old ladies in front of us were going in pairs up to the alter, bowing once to the family on the right, once to the family and friends on the left, and then once to something else and began praying with hands clasping their special prayer beads (for use only on these occasions). then, they picked up some of the wood chips, held them up in the air, and then put them on the smoldering incense. they did this three times, followed by another prayer. then one more bow to the family on the right, and a bow to the family on the left, each giving a somber bow in return. oh man, why was i so nervous? i got up next to my boss and followed through the motions, trying not to mess up. i bowed once to kenichi, then to the family, i prayed that i didn't do anything stupid, and did the incense thing. it smelled so good, i wanted to take some home. i smiled at the picture, gave another bow to kenichi, and walked away to safety on the right.
whew. we then got sort of a program of sorts from a lady, and were ushered into another room of the temple where lots of food and beer were provided for us. it is common courtesy to partake in eating at least some of the food, but rude to stay there too long. so we ate some sushi, drank some beer, but not too much, for about five minutes. it was then off to eat and drink more comfortably at a different place, as usually happens (says my boss). we caught kenichi's eye and, giving him one last bow goodbye, we left the dark and quiet temple. one minute later we were walking among the neon lights and smokey alleys looking for a good place to eat and drink and laugh. over beer and chick-ka-bobs, we talked of death, life, traditions, and the pronunciation of l's and r's, smiling amid the smoke.
[1] history and description of japanese health care
[2] quick study of benefits of japanese health care
[3] first hand account of a foreigner, some kidney stones, and a japanese hospital
[4] in japanese but has pictures
****pour some sugar on me!****
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ooh in the name of love!
i'm hot... sticky sweet...from my head, to my feechya (<-feet, yeah)
[long live def leppard! if you weren't singing, there is no hope of entertaining you with the above statements. feel free to ignore them.]
so on our way back to the station we walked back along SUNROAD among the young, hip and chic chicks. and in the midst of the shops and restaurants i saw, what is this? no, it can't be! a cinn-a-bon! a real, live, i'm-in-the-food-court-and-i-hate-it-but-this-will-make-it-worth-it cinn-a-bon! oh the joy! i promptly dragged my boss and co-worker into the shop as i bought a big box of four gooey cinnamon sweet treats for me, and two mini-bons for my companions. heehee, i laughed. i couldn't wait to open the box and dig in, but i decided to wait until the next day, watching as my japanese companions wolfed their mini-bons down saying, this isn't bad. way too sweet, but not bad...(in return, my co-worker bought me some traditional japanese sweets from a shop across the street. a little block of hard sweet fruit and bean stuff. it is really good, and healthy even...but it's not a cinn-a-bon...)
next day, since i woke up as usual at 8:05, left the house at 8:10 to get to work at 8:20, i didn't have time to eat or even remember the cinn-a-bons. however, coming home at 6, i happily saw the big box of gooey goodness welcoming me home. i gingerly took a cinn-a-bon out, set it giddily into the toaster/oven thing that i got for free, and waited impatiently for the goo to melt and the cinnamon to soak. that finished, i set the steaming cinn-a-bon reverently on a paper towel and took a deep breath. i then literally attacked the cinn-a-bon with abandon, getting frosting and goo in,on,and up my nose and all over my face and hands. the paper towel was now forgotten and cast aside. i laughed as i licked the sweet goo from my hands and relished the succulent sweetness. the density, the impact of the taste, the smell. i ate and munched and inhaled until the whole cinn-a-bon was nothing but a sweet, satisfying aftertaste. ah...i laughed as i washed and picked the frosting from my nose, patting the cinn-a-bon box closed, waiting for tomorrow. "no dinner for me tonight", i thought as i laid back on the futon and began watching lethal weapon for the first time in my entire life.
unfortunately, i went through all of the cinn-a-bons in about a week, one for dinner every other day. the last two were rather stale, but still good, and incredibly filling when you're used to eating only rice and soup for dinner...ah...yeah, needless to say, my stomache didn't feel too good after that week, but i'm better now. every now and then a quick sugar fix can be oh so nice.
hey sugar, sugar...doodoodidoodi doodoo oh, honey honey...booboobiboobi booboo you are my candy girl.... and you got me wanting you....
****jonx****
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my new favorite word for this week is "jonk", and its corresponding plural, "jonx". for example, "get yo jonx offa my desk, foo", or "i don't need to listen to this jonk", or "jonkidy jonk jonx". try it, you'll like it.
this jonx is long, foo! who you think you is, tom clancy?!