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horrible teeth and nipple licking, nov 12 - dec 14, 2001

December 14, 2001 18:04

================
--weekly? steve--
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right. so it's been a month since the last weekly steve, and i apologize to the majority of you who i know have been checking their lonely inboxes waiting for some sign of life from that kid who fell of the face of the earth. speaking of falling off the face of the earth, i got an email from carl tracy this week. it was neat. i love mail. and i must say i am disappointed with the amount of mail lovin i have been receiving as of late. this is, of course, entirely my fault because i have failed to keep in touch with my dearest of friends (and family for that matter). i apologize. but now i'm selfishly writing in the hopes that my inbox will be flooded with Re: weekly steve's. i love that.

oh stop it - you know you've done it too. this is how it works: you think "jeez, i haven't gotten mail in a while... i think i'll write someone then they'll feel compelled to write me back." the title-Re:title-Re:Re:title cycle will make is all feel better. it's a good thing. we keep it up untill we realize we have nothing to say and we feel bad for sending them mail that *we* think *they* don't want to read. so we give up, they think no mail has come, so they can't send back, and so the mail affair withers. we wait a couple months and start it up again when we think "jee, i haven't gotten mail in a while...".

anyway, i assure you that i am still up to my shenanigans, even though i haven't been reporting them.

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--wayyssu [way yy ssu]--
=====================

say "weigh". (or "way" if you're not from new zealand). straight plain "way". now sort of draw it out, so it's a little longer, like "wayyyyyyy" over there. then add a snake hissing "ss". at the very end add a hint, just a hint, of a u. ok. got it? one more time "wayyssu." this is one of the many methods to say ohayougozaimasu[1] , or good morning, in japanese. isn't that great? okay, here's another one.

replace "way" with "hey". heyyssu. kinda like jesus, (no - not "christ", "heysoos") without the last s. this is another way to say ohayougozaimasu. there are many other ways, like ossu, ohayoussu, hey, ohhssu, ay ssu [like ace] or hayozaimasu really fast. usually, however, all you hear is "ssu".

now every morning when i walk into work, everyone seemingly *has* to say good morning to everyone else. the way you say it depends on the other person's place in the hierarchy of things. you don't say "heyssu" to the boss, you have to at least say "hayouzaimasu" real fast, or something that sounds like you ended with a "zaimasu". i don't think you can say "heyzaimasu", though i'm sure i've gotten tongue twisted and said it before. anyway, the end result is that as you're walking to your office, everyone you pass is nodding and bowing their heads and hissing like snakes. "ssu" "ssu" "heyyssu" "ay ssu"....

ah, it's stuff like this that are impossible to learn sitting in class. don't you feel englightened?

[1] if you don't speak japanese or understand japanese pronunciation, "ohayougozaimasu" sounds like this:

so, in conclusion, if you can say "oh that chick is hot, yo-! makes me go zotty, mama....ssu", you too can speak japanese.

===================
--did you say nipples?--
===================

it was another normal day at the office. i got to work two minutes before the bell rang, pulled on my puke green pants, lighter puke green shirt, and white gym shoes and said my ohss's. i spent all day making another photolithography mask with the crappy CAD software on my slow crappy laptop. i ate either curry, udon, or ramen, or one of the cold 'set' lunches for lunch, and spent a lot of my time searching the internet for linux, lord of the rings, or war related news. however, this friday was the day of the ?E?ê?·?s, which literally translates into workplace travel, or vacation. every company has many of these, one for each of the many groups that make up the company. and my group, the r&d center, had theirs that friday. everyone puts about into the vacation fund every month for a year, so if i wanted to go, i had to pay about 0. everyone thought this was unfortunate, however, so they all pitched in a bit extra (even people who weren't going), and i only had to pay around 0. awesome! (that may seem like a lot to you, but it's nothing in japan).

we left promptly at 5:30, got on a bus with a tour guide named saya-chan, a bunch of sake and beer. what a way to travel! now, if you go on one of the famous group travel tours, then you have to have a bus with a bus guide, usually a chick with a funny uniform and high pitched voice. saya-chan was cool though, because she just wore a nice suit type thing and hung out with everyone. the bus left hanno and everyone gave an informal toast and began drinking their cold beers. mind you, it is 5:30. we drink until we arrive at the hotel 2.5 hours later. by this time, everyone is pretty happy and loud and boisterous. i get off the bus first and act like a hotel attendent for everyone showing them the way to the hotel. "irasshaimase!". my red faced boss and i get in first and head up to one of the four big rooms that would house the 16 r&d vacationers.

now this is basically how it works. everyone drinks on the bus, they get to the hotel, jump in the onsen, and put on their yukata (light kimono type thing), and head up to the big party hall. a two hour long party will then ensue and people will drink more, and then the second party where people drink more, and then everyone jumps back in the onsen again, very drunk and happy. now i'll give you the specifics...

for our party, the people in charge decided to get some interesting items called "companion girls". these are very interesting things. being as most of the people that go on these vacations are men, the "companion girls" are usually a nice thing to have around. i can already hear ana yelling that "women are not things!". yes i know, ana. i'm talking about the concept here... years ago when samurai and shogun were running around with katana's and chomage (that's the funny old mohawk type hair style that sumurai used to wear), there were the famous "geisha". it seems i like putting "quotes" around "everything". continuing, giesha are (they still exist, but are verrrrrrrrry expensive) very talented females who are incredible entertainers. they can dance, sing, joke, pour sake (this is called oshaku), and all in all, entertain their male hosts. this is a great concept!. anyway, since japan is still somewhat male oriented (not dominated, just oriented) the geisha concept has been transformed so it can mold with modern day japan. the result - "conpanyon gyaru". we had three of them. their names were: ? , ?, and ?, but i'm absolutely positive i knew them at the time. we'll have to settle for calling them "the pretty one", "the cute one with horrible teeth", and "the rather large one".

ok, so we're pretty toasty after drinking for 2.5 hours, all sexy in our clean yukata's, and everyone's sitting behind the old skool classic trays with a bunch of food that wasn't that great. that's ok, because the people who made the food knew that it only had to look good. taste didn't matter. the alcohol, however, needed to be good. and it was. so the party went on for two hours, people sang karaoke songs with the conpanyon gyaru and basically just laughed, talked, and hung out. the conpanyon gyaru were nice. the pretty one and i talked a lot, but i also talked with the rather large one and the cute one with horrible teeth. halfway through the party, the large one comes over. she's really cool and made me laugh a lot. definitely not ashamed of anything. she asked the pretty one if she wanted to become a "suupaa conpanyon". the pretty one said, "nope, out of the question." the large one then said, "well, the cute one with the horrible teeth and i are going super." though i already knew the answer, being ever inquisitive, i had to ask "what's a super companion?!".

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--here i come to save the day!--
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11:00 rolled around and people were pretty well trashed. i had already made multple trips to the bathroom to appease my overworking liver and the last trip made me realize why i hate sake. it's alive! it rattles around in your head and makes you reallllllllly dizzy. but whatever, the party was over. final toasts were said, and i was shuffled upstairs to one of the hotel rooms for the second party where even more beer and alcohol were set out for everyone's consumption. everyone accounted for...the lights dim. "what's going on?", i ask. there is no music, but at this time, i can hear the theme from 2001 space odyssey playing in my head. duhhhhhh duuuhhhhhhhh duuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhh DA DUMMMMMMM! bom bom bom bom . while i was singing this in my head, i looked up from my lemon drink to see that the large conpanyon gyaru and the cute one with the horrible teeth had stealthfully taken off their shirts. duhhhhhh duuuhhhhhhh duuuhhhhhhhhhhh DA DUMMMM!!! boing boing boing boing. the cute one with the horrible teeth began passing out everyone chopsticks, but just one each. on the bottom of the chopstick was scrawled a number. one through N-1, where N is the number of people in the room. on one chopstick, the character for king, ?¤, was written. this is the osama [king] game. now i was sitting with my friend honma and the pretty gyaru talking about how funny this was. meanwhile, certain members of our party had decided to strip down to their boxers. i didn't notice this till i was being mooned though. another certain member of our party, who i don't think i should name, spent his time groping the open breasts of cute-one-with-horrible-teeth (that sounds like an old native american name...). i laughed at all of this.

now, everyone looks at what number they have written on the chopstick, and the king says something like "number n and number m, will......[insert funny dare here]". now, i wasn't called on too much, but i made one of the guys kiss cute one with horrible teeth for 5 seconds. that was funny. someone made large one wrestle with a poor soul to steal one of his pubic hairs. he fought bravely, but ultimately lost. that was definitely amusing to watch...then someone said "number 3 will...... lick number 10's.....nipple!!!" haha, i laughed, drinking some more of my lemon drink. then the pretty one sitting next to me whispered "you're 10". oh man...."and your boss is 3." oh man.....my boss is protesting loudly, and i'm yelling about how weird japan is, but everyone makes us stand up, and my boss walked over and.... licked my nipple!!!!. how weird is that?! then the large one said, "aw, i wanted to do that." the nipple-licking definitely topped my night. hopefully it will never happen again, but it was definitely an experience.

after two more hours of drinking and daring, the conpanions were suddenly clothed again and ready to go. me and my friend honma, who had been protecting the pretty one from any dares that might come her way, decided to walk them out. so we walked them to the door, thanked them for their fun and kindness, and headed back in. we then saw another group of companions, so we decided to walk them out as well. thanks for the fun and kindness... next was the hotspring on the roof of the hotel, drunk and naked standing on the roof in the freezing november air felt soooooooooooo great. people talked and joked and soaked till about 2:30 or 3. then it was bed time. they woke me up at 7 to get ready to go at 9, but i was still drunk, so i slept till 8. how can you wake up so early after a night like that i screamed in my head...but such is the life of the japanese business man. haha.

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--christmas greetz--
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well, hope you enjoyed this month's weekly steve. i apologize profusely to all i have not actively kept in touch with, but i'm a jerk. what can i say? i will hopefully send a christmas/new year's steve next week or the week after, so stay tuned. and now that i've spent the past 2.5 hours writing this, i think i should start working...tata.

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