Old Stuff

Pope Indicted for Hate Crimes

To Be Arrested Upon Arrival in Belgium Next Week
Inciting Violence Among the Charges

It shouldn't be long now. Applying the Ginger Factor (a cousin to dowdification) to Considerations Regarding Proposals to Give Legal Recognition to Unions Between Homosexual Persons, we may soon hear...

Pope John Paul II declared Thursday that "homosexuality is a troubling moral and social phenomenon...a serious depravity...objectively disordered." In the document issued Thursday, he called Catholics worldwide, especially Catholic politicians, to "clear and emphatic opposition" to the legal recognition of gay marriages. Enumerating the reasons behind his call to further oppression and intolerance, he declared that laws supporting gay marriage are "contrary to ... reason" and "contrary to the common good".

A new devlopment

Among the reasons given for his call to intolerance, he said, "[s]exual relations are human when and insofar as they express and promote the mutual assistance of the sexes in marriage and are open to the transmission of new life." Experts see this as a veiled statement that gays are not human. Father George "Where's My Collar" McGeorge, High Poobah of the Theology Department of Votre Dame University, stated, "This is an entirely new and dangerous development, and perhaps the most dangerous development, in the long reactionary reign of Pope John Paul II. Clearly, this opens the door to a new era of attacks on, violence against and intolerance of homosexual individuals and their families."

Having just dashed that off, looks like I'm now qualified for a job at the New York Times!

UPDATE: Andrew Sullivan has already outdone me:

It tears me apart to see no prospect of the Catholic Church ending its war on gay people and their dignity in my lifetime. In fact, I think it's getting worse; and the next Pope from the developing world could make the current one seem humane. Leaving the sacraments would be a huge blow to the soul; but the pope just called the love I have for my boyfriend "evil." That's a word he couldn't bring himself to use about Saddam Hussein. How can I recognize what I know to be true with what the Pope has just said? I cannot. It doesn't leave many options but departure.